Bill Nye The Blooper Guy
by marcen12
Summary: What you didn't see in the series
1. Chapter 1

**WARNING! THESE SCENES ARE WHAT WERE NOT SHOWN IN THE 100 OR SO EPISODES IN THE SERIES! THIS CONTAINS SOME DISTURBING SCENES THAT COULD OFFEND YOU…ALTHOUGH, THEY ARE FUNNY! READER DESCRETION IS ADVISED! **

Bill Nye The Blooper Guy!

THEME SONG: BILL! BILL! BILL! BILL! BILL! BILL! KILL! BILL! BILL! BILL! BILL!

CAMERA MAN: FIX THE THEME SONG!

THEME SONG: BILL! BILL! BILL! BILL! BILL! BILL! BILL! BILL! BILL! BILL! BILL! BILL NYE THE STUPID GUY!

CAMERA MAN: (shrugs) Good enough.

At the laboratory

Bill Nye: Hi, kids. Bill Nye here! Today, we will be talking to you about science! Let's go inside to see what we will learn today! (Walks into lab door, face first) Uh, guys? This was supposed to automatically open when I'm about to go inside. (Laughs) Okay.

Bill Nye: Hi, kids. Bill Nye here! Today, we will be talking to you about science! Let us… (Smashes into lab door, face first) Guys! (Laughs) Come on! We have a show to tape here! Let's get it right. Okay? (Laughs)

Forty-two takes later. Bill Nye's whole face in bleeding

Bill Nye: (angry) IF YOU IDIOTS DO NOT KNOW HOW TO OPERATE A SIMPLE DOOR, I'M GOING TO KICK SOMEBODY IN THE CANS! (Normal) Hi, kids. Bill Nye here! Today, we will be talking to you about math! Let us…

Cameraman: Uh, Bill? This is science, not math.

Bill: (Angry) THAT'S IT! (Goes to cameraman and strangles him) I'VE HAD IT! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU! AAAHHHHHH!

In the lab. Bill Nye's hands are bloody.

Bill: (smiling) Today, we will be talking about science!

Kid: (walks up to him) Obviously!

Bill: (slaps the kid) I DON'T CARE WHAT CHILD SERVICES SAYS! I'M GOING TO KICK YOUR…

Bill: Today, we will be exploring dangerous things! What do you say to that, Kid?

Kid: (crying with swollen eyes and blood on his shirt) I WANT TO GO HOME! MOMMY!

Bill: Well, that is super!

Outside of a house. Bill Nye is on top of a roof.

Bill: Hi, kids! Bill Nye here! And I'm going to teach you about gravity! It can save us all. As we know, there is no gravity in space. Earth is part of space; therefore, Earth has no gravity! Watch this! (Jumps off roof)

Bill Nye has a cast on his right arm.

Bill: Hi, kids! Bill Nye here! We are here in a war zone! What does war have to do with science? (Takes out a grenade) We need science to see how far we have to throw this! Now, what you want to do is take out the pin out of it. (Takes out pin) Now, we calculate how far we want to throw it. (Walks up to his usual board) Now, what you want to do is calculate the weight of the grenade and multiply it by the number of fields. However, we must figure out how this grenade came to be. (Puts grenade in pocket) Now, a long time ago…

At the lab. Bill Nye is bleeding; his whole right leg is missing.

Bill: Now, to have a little fun. I have another grenade here. I'm going to pull a prank on little Billy here. (Goes to Billy) How is it going, Billy?

Little Billy: Hi, Dad!

Bill: (slaps him)

Little Billy: Hi, Bob Saget!

Bill: (slaps him)

Little Billy: (crying) Hi, Bill.

Bill: I'm glad you're doing just fine. (Takes out pin out of grenade and gives it to Billy) Would you mind holding this for a second? (Giggles) I'll be right back! (Runs away, laughing hard)

In Bill's bathtub. Bill is in the tub taking a bubble bath

Bill: Hi, kids! Today, we will show how fun it is to play with electricity in the water! Now, the trick is to not be an idiot, okay! (Gets a plugged in toaster from the edge of bathtub) Now, you can do anything while you can take a bath! You can eat toast. (Pops toast in) Just remember! If you don't want to reach so far for the toaster, just put it in the water! I mean what the worst that can happen? (Drops toaster in water and gets electrocuted) AAAAHHHHH!

In the lab. Bill Nye is healthy.

Bill: Hi, kids. Billy Mays here…

Cameraman: Uh, it's Bill NYE.

Bill: GO (censored) YOURSELF!

At the lab. Bill Nye is beside a table, with two liquids in a glass)

Bill: Hi, kids. Today, we will find out if I have magical powers. Now, let's see which one of these is water and which the poison is! (Drinks one of them) OH MY GOD! THIS ONE IS THE POISON!

Cameraman: Bill, that's not poison. It's lighter fluid!

Bill: Whew. Thank God. Now, I have another science trick. I'm going to swallow fire! (Gets a match and lights it) Now, kids, I am a professional beginner so please, try this at home! (Puts match in mouth and swallow it) See, nothing to… (Explodes) NOT AGAIN!

In the lab and Bill is normal.

Bill: Today, we will be talking about science. (Walks around) Now, science is the greatest thing of all. And it's about meeting new people every day and… (bumps into kid)

Kid: Sorry, Bill.

Bill: (angry) SORRY! SORRY! I'M GOING TO KICK YOUR…

In the lab and Bill is normal…except the kid's blood on his shirt.

Bill: Today, we will be talking about science. (Walks around) Now, science is the… (Lighting guy bumps into Bill) I WANT YOU OFF THE (censored) SET, YOU PRICK! IF YOU DO THAT TO ME ONE MORE TIME, I NOT GOING TO WALK ON THIS SET IF YOU'RE STILL HERE!

Lighting Guy: Bill, we've been friends since high school!

Bill: (angry) AND YOU HAD AN AFFAIR WITH ANOTHER SHOW! THAT DAMN ZOBOOMAFOO SHOW, ISN'T IT?

Lighting Guy: I hoped you never found out about it…

Bill: (furious) TWO BROTHERS AND A TALKING MONKEY! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU SEE IN THAT, HUH! I HATE THE MONKEY! STUPID MONKEY!

Lighting Guy: I'm sorry. I thought a talking monkey would be much more amusing than a science guy who does things that are weird that would be good for everyone.

Bill: (get out pistol) I'M GOING TO (censored) KICK YOUR…

Camera cuts to black while a shot is heard.

_There may be a chapter 2. I don't know how Bill is going to survive._


	2. Chapter 2

**WARNING! THESE SCENES ARE WHAT WERE NOT SHOWN IN THE 100 OR SO EPISODES IN THE SERIES! THIS CONTAINS SOME DISTURBING SCENES THAT COULD OFFEND YOU…ALTHOUGH, THEY ARE FUNNY! READER DESCRETION IS ADVISED! **

Bill Nye the Blooper Guy

Bill: Hi, kids, Bill Nye the Science Guy here. And I'm going to take any questions from our fan mail. This question is from Cosmo. It asks, "Dear Bill, where do babies come from?" Well, Cosmo. Babies come from… (Faints)

**At Nigeria Falls. Bill is on top of the falls.**

Bill: Hi, kids, Bill here! I am going to jump across these falls using wires. Isn't that cool? Wish me luck, kids! (Jumps off)

Director: (comes into picture; looks around for someone) Bill! The wire crew just got here! They're setting up right now! Bill?

**On a plane. Bill is getting ready to drop for sky diving.**

Bill: Hi, kids, Bill Nye here. We're going to demonstrate gravity. I'm going to sky dive off this plane! Science rules! (Jumps out of plane)

Director: (off camera) Okay, the pilot said that one of these bags has no parachute but I don't see any bags like that. Bill?

**In space. Bill is going toward the sun.**

Bill: Hi, kids, Bill Nye here! I'm going to be on an adventure toward the Sun in this unprotected spaceship! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!

**In a graveyard. Bill has just dug out a grave, in broad daylight. He opens a casket and a body is revealed. **

Bill: Hi, kids, Bill Nye here! Today, we will learn about how bodies decompose. You see, this body symbolizes Bob Saget's career and it is cool! (Raises up its hand) Now, as you can see by this hand, there is no blood coursing through it! That means it is not alive. (Suddenly the body gets up)

Zombie: BRAINS!

Bill: (screams)

**Tornado Season.**

Bill: HI, KIDS! BILL NYE HERE! WE WILL BE TALKING TO YOU ABOUT WIND! WE ARE IN THE MIDDLE OF A TORNADO AND WE ARE GETTING READY TO FACE THE STORM! AND… HEY, WHERE ARE YOU GUYS GOING? THE STORM WILL NOT KILL US! (Tornado throws a car at Bill)

**At New York. **

Bill: Hi, kids! We are in New York, where will explore the daily rituals science provides us! First, we will (there is an explosion) What the Hell was that? (The Head of Statue of Liberty crashes into a building and lands a few feet in front of Bill) OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!

Cameraman: You do know some of our viewers are atheist, right?

Bill: (angry) SHUT UP, HUD!

**Outside a building. **

Bill: Hi, kids! Today, we will use science to learn the power of a gun. (Pulls out pistol) Now, we can all agree that a gun is safe if you are with a trusted person. And with our cameraman a convicted felon, I am the safest person here! Thank you for watching our show. Now, if you will excuse me, I am going to go test out the power of this gun! (Goes into building) ALRIGHT, EVERYBODY BE COOL, THIS IS A ROBBERY! ANY OF YOU (CERSORED) PRICKS MOVE, AND I'LL EXECUTE EVERY MOTHER (CENSORED) LAST ONE OF YA!

_Chapter 3, the last chapter of this awful trilogy, will be written soon._


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY BILL NYE CHARACTERS! PLEASE ENJOY!

**In an airplane, Bill is sitting near a window. **

Bill: Hi, kids. Bill Nye here! Today, we will be talking about outside air! Now, since this plane is still flying in the air, it is necessary to break it open!

Stewardess: Excuse me, Sir. There are no cameras allowed during the flight.

Bill: Oh, no! These are fake cameras! See!

Stewardess: I'm not stupid. But since the camera is from the Fox Broadcasting Company, I'll allow you because no one watches that channel. (Walks away)

Bill: Now, kids, before you open the window, you need to put on goggles! (Puts on goggles) Everyone, ready! (Wraps his fist in bandages and punches the window)

Passengers: OH MY GOD! BOB SAGET IS SMASHING THE WINDOW! HE'S GOING TO KILL US ALL!

Bill: We are not going to die! (Laughing as he finally breaks out the window) WEEEEEEE! (Flies out of window)

**Behind the scenes**

Bill: (looking in a textbook) THAT IS WHERE BABIES COME FROM?" (Faints)

**In front of Bill's driveway.**

Bill: Hi, kids! Bill Nye here! Today, we will be talking about what can fit into a car! A video game, a guitar and of course, (opens the trunk of car) a human being! (A cameraman is shown in the trunk, mouth taped shut) This is a former cameraman of our show who decided to go to that show with the talking monkey for children!

Producer: Uh, Bill. What are you doing?

Bill: (ignores Producer) Now, what is next is to decide where to put the object after it is in the trunk. Oh, I know!

**Five minutes later, Bill pushes his car at the edge of a cliff. Bill is drunk.**

Bill: (takes a sip of beer) I DIDN'T WANT TO DO THAT! I WANTED TO BE FRIENDS, YOU TRAITOR! (Police sirens are heard nearby) Oh, crap! Let's get out of here!

**Bill Nye is at bungee jumping.**

Bill: Hi, kids! Bill Nye here! Today, I will bungee jump. Wish me luck! (Jumps off)

Producer: (looks around) Okay, Bill. The bungee people are here to set up! Bill!

**Behind the scenes. **

Bill: THAT IS NOT WHERE BABIES COME FROM! (Grabs cameraman) AAAAHHHHH!

**Fan mail**

Bill: Hi, kids! Bill Nye here! Right now, I will be reading mail! This letter comes from a Bob Saget. Bob asks, "Why don't you change your face?"

Cameraman: (laughs) Because Bill is too cheap to do that!

Bill: (pulls a knife out of nowhere) COME HERE!

**In jail.**

Bill: Thanks for watching our show! Now, if you will excuse me, I have something to do. (Turns from camera and walks toward a sleeping inmate. He then stabs him)

Inmate: HEY! WHAT THE HELL!

**At a concert.**

Bill: Hi, kids! Bill Nye here! Today, we will be learning about emotions. Today, we will be exploring anger. (Walks to stage) I'm here at a Metallica concert where everyone is head banging and having a good time! (On stage and grabs a microphone) That's going to change! (yells into microphone) EVERYBODY! ST. ANGER IS BETTER THAN MASTER OF PUPPETS!

**Cut scene. **

Bill: Well, that is our show today. Now, if you will excuse me, I'm about to be killed by Metallica fans! (Bill had been hung on a wooden board and had gasoline. One person throw a burning torch towards Bill)

**Behind the scenes and before the very first episode.**

Bill: (angry) BILL NYE THE SCIENCE GUY! BILL NYE THE SCIENCE GUY! I DON'T KNOW A THING ABOUT SCIENCE!

Producer: Well, I'm sorry Mr. Nye. No one wants to watch a dumbass teaching kids how to dance. We already have an idiot for that and his name is Barney.

Bill: (get out his pistol) You leave that to me.

**At the lab. **

Bill: Hi, kids. Bill Nye here! Today, we will be talking to you about science! Now…

Kanye West: (comes into picture) Hey, Bill! I'm really happy for you and Imma let you finish! But Arthur is one of the best children's shows of all time! The best children's show of all time! (Shrugs his shoulders and leaves)

Bill: (stammers) Uh. I… (Walks off, crying)

_Thank you for reading. I'll write more soon! Until then, enjoy the rest of my stories… or you can read this one again! _


End file.
